“Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. It does not dishonor others, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres. Love never fails. But where there are prophecies, they will cease; where there are tongues, they will be stilled; where there is knowledge, it will pass away.”
I’ve been told growing up and dating, that if someone doesn’t say they believe in marriage, it’s because they don’t want to ever even consider the possibility of marrying you. And while most of the time, that’s true, I’ve come to learn there are some exceptions.
It wasn’t until I came across a specific individual, he got me thinking, my logic might be skewed based on the individual.
“Do you need to be married?” He asked. “Would you ever be willing to have kids? My kids, but be okay with not being married.”
The words marriage and kids, in a single sentence, to a 21 year old, I’ll admit made made me hyperventilate at first. As someone who can barely feed themselves properly, without fear of burning down the house, due to forgetting to turn off the stove, there are many things that need to happen in my life first.
But to me marriage is so many things…
It’s about sharing a name…
While I love my name, there’s something that’s always appealed to me about changing it. Not just to be a wife, but to be someone’s wife.
You don’t need to be a wife to be a mother, but there’s a bond there, when everyone in the family has the same name. Together under one roof, you implement single families values.
Someone will look at the kid I one day have, and know they are a __________(future last name).
I like that.
Not just a bank account.
I know money is important. And the thought of financially supporting a family terrifies me at 23. Which is why I don’t have one yet. But I know the type of wife I’ll be.
If I’ve learned anything from my own parents, it’s how important it is, to not rely on a single income. My goal is to stand on my own two feet and not need someone, but the idea of what is mine first, will also be his, appeals to me. It will be ours.
It’s about a celebration of vows of forever….
I believe so strongly in something lasting forever. And I know not everyone does. People have their own reasons for not believing in it. Maybe their parents marriage or former marriage, were a large factor, in current views. But I’ve always wanted to be the statistic that makes it.
And the life you want to lead together.
The thought of having someone every day, just seems like something wonderful to look forward to.
It’s a testament of your faith, not to just a person but God.
I made one of the biggest mistakes of my life at 23, and it was in that moment of hitting rock bottom, I changed. I turned completely to faith, I once rejected, making both a promise to myself and Him.
I’m a person of my word. And I know the person I do marry, will be the only one I ever do.
It’s about overcoming those things you fear…
We all have personal reasons, why we might not think it will work. I know I have seen some of the worst relationships, and it makes me scared sometimes.
Sometimes, that one relationship (our parents) is supposed to set the template for what you come to expect in life, and it falls short, as do your expectations of love and questioning can you love someone forever?
I believe I can.
There will be fighting and screaming, but I also know that’s part of what marriage is. But more than that, it’s about how you work through it.
Not letting those fears dictate the life you lead.
But you can’t let someone else, who hasn’t gotten it right, make you think you won’t. If anything it makes me want to get it right more. It motivates me to say, despite their circumstances, I rose above what could have been a recurring theme.
It’s about getting something right…
Because I want the kids I don’t have yet, to believe in something. I want them to look and me and my husband and say, I’d like to be like mom and dad when I’m older.
The way some haven’t seen before.
I believe in love and marriage for every reason that most wouldn’t. I believe in it though, because this idea, is all I’ve held onto as a child into adulthood. I needed to.
Marriage to me isn’t just about vows, but rather being that love story I read growing up believing.
So to the guy who doesn’t believe in marriage, to the guy who is scared, to the guy who doesn’t want to make his parents mistakes, I promise you we won’t. If the day comes I’ll stand by you with confidence, that we will get it right, the way they never did.
“And I’ve always lived like this Keeping a comfortable, distance And up until now I had sworn to myself that I’m content With loneliness Because none of it was ever worth the risk But, you are, the only exception.” -Paramore