This Is How My Father Taught Me to Be Treated

“Having a daughter makes you see things in a different way. This is my only girl. So I don’t care what it takes to protect her. You can call it what you want to call it. As long as you treat her the same way I treat her, like my princess, I don’t mind.” -Tracy Morgan 

I’ll be the first to proudly admit, my dad is my best friend. He is the first one I turn to when something goes wrong. He’s the one cleaning up every mess. He’s every answered cal,l late at night and every tear dried, I sometimes hate shedding. He leads the example of how I should live my life, and constantly strives to see me improve, while encouraging and supporting every dream I have.

Being a Daddy’s girl though means having very unbelievably high expectations. We have spent our entire life being worshipped and adored by someone, we’d be damned if we settled now. Not only that, but it would be a slap in the face to him, if we ever dated someone, below the standard, he set so high.

So as a Daddy’s girl, this is what my father showed me through actions, how to be treated by a man.

He pays for everything. 

My dad will laugh at me, if I take my wallet out in his presence. And if I do, it’s only to open it, if he throws some cash my way.

I’m completely capable of paying for my own things. I have a job and good career, that isn’t the point. The point showing me, that chivalry isn’t dead and I shouldn’t believe it to be.

As a guy and potential boyfriend, you pay for things out of respect for the girl, not because you have to, but because you want to.

He opens every door. 

Again, I am completely capable of opening my own door. But, it just shows a sign of respect, again proving chivalry isn’t dead.

He keeps his word. 

Whether it’s being somewhere on time, or following through with a promise, he is the one person I know I can rely on with everything.

Your significant other, should provide you with those same things.

He forgives me. 

Like in relationships, you’ll fight, make mistakes, say things you each regret. But the most important thing is working through it, finding a solution and not holding onto the past, but instead moving forward.

As a daughter, some of the mistakes I’ve made, I still haven’t forgiven myself for, but somehow he has.

Relationships are the same way, you need to forgive each other for the past, if you want any hope at a future.

He’s there when I need him. 

There were times when I need him to just be there. There are times when I need him to do things for me. And it does without questioning it, or making me feel guilty for not being able to do things myself.

I am his priority, and in the midst of raising a family, being a husband, running a company, with many side jobs, I come first. That’s how it should be with your relationship.

He spoils me.

I don’t mean spoiling me with money and extravagant gifts, although he does. He spoils with company, he spoils me with laughs, he spoils me enriching my life, and making it better just by being there. Daddy’s girls aren’t spoiled with possession, but are taught the most important things are those things you can’t buy.

You’re relationship should spoil you in the same way.

He supports me. 

Every dream, no matter how crazy, or if he agrees with it, he’s the first on board supporting me. And when the world is against me, telling me I can’t, he doesn’t. When people question, if what I’m doing is right, or if I should be doing something else, he’s that voice of encouragement. He tells me to keep doing what I’m doing, and never give up on my dreams.

Relationships are supposed to be that number one support system, you have, to help you to achieve everything you want.

He compliments me every day. 

I could be hungover, still drunk or in bed sick and throwing up. He still finds something good to say about me. Dad’s job are so vital to girls, because every which way, from the moment she is little, to when she becomes a woman, someone is telling her she isn’t good enough, pretty enough, smart enough.

Dad’s have to reverse the media and everyone who has attempted to convince her of these things, and teach her to be confident. Confidence is key to never settling and that’s why Dad’s adore their daughter’s so much, because they don’t deserve to settle.

Relationships should be the same way. You should know with confidence, there isn’t a girl in the world that can shake his loyalty towards you.

He protects me.

The world is a terribly ugly place sometimes. People are going to hurt you, situations in life are going to break your heart. Dads do everything to avoid this happening, but when it does, they are simply the arms holding you up through the storm.

A relationship should be the same thing, this person just standing there holding your hand, when shit decides to hit the fan, and it’s already too late to take cover.

He takes care of me and my siblings. 

Financially and emotionally he is someone we’ve all relied on for everything.

But he can’t do that forever. And while he has taught us all to stand on our own feet, and be financially stable on our own, life isn’t meant to be lived alone.

Soon he’ll pass the baton off the a lucky man, who is worthy of standing at the end of the altar, in my presence. Father’s will live the rest of their life with confidence, that daughter’s will be okay. And I’ll be confident in my future, if he’s half the man my father is.

Called me spoiled. Tell me I’m a brat. Say my expectations are too high. And I’ll tell you the only reason they are that way, is because my father taught me they should be.

“Walk me down the aisle, Daddy-it’s just about time.” “Does my wedding gown look pretty, Daddy? Daddy, don’t cry” Oh, with all that I’ve done wrong I must have done something right.” -Bob Calisle 

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To My Distant Friend, Who is Never Far From My Heart

We all take different paths in life, but no matter where we go, we take a little bit of each other everywhere. ~ Tim McGraw

To My Beautiful Friend,

We exchange texts. We make plans that always get cancelled. We are every first like on insta. And we each know when shit hits the fan, we each would be there for each other. There aren’t awkward moments when we goes months to years without speaking. We just kind of pick up where we left off. You’ve taught me a little about forever. Cause that’s the way I see it with us.

We may not know the play by play in each of our everyday lives. But we know with certainty we have something pretty special. We have memories. Because there was once a time where we were main characters in this act of my life. I look back at those moments oh se grateful to have had you when I did.

But without even figuring out how, we grew up a bit. We went our own ways. We made our own friends and we began our own lives. And it isn’t that I’ve forgotten you. Every time I pass your parents house, every time I pass our favorite coffee shop, I think of you and smile.

Instead of texting you I just kind of think of you and send positive thoughts your way. I know you are probably doing well. I know we’ll probably cross paths. I know you are there just as I am.

And I’m sure seeing each other would be a great idea, but it’s one of those ideas that just get lost. The skype dates, the text we each forgot to answer, we get a little caught up in living. But you should know I haven’t taken that picture down in my room that sits in a frame. Why would I want to? I wake up every day and am reminded of someone I love, who loves me even if we are apart and not likely to see each other soon.

You’ve given me no sour memories, I look back at in the past with regret. Only smiles and more laughter for the time we were together.

The truth is sometimes people stay forever in our hearts but not always in our lives every day. That’s okay though because there is value to those people too. They teach you about unconditional love.

So whenever our paths may cross again, maybe it will be in town or at a local bar, I look forward to it. I look forward to seeing you and be blinded with memories in the eyes of another. I look forward to the small talk that’s never awkward and I look forward to just picking up where we left off, no matter where or when that might be. But when that day comes I’ll see you again, my dear, with a big hug and bigger smile because of all the good you brought my life.

Sincerely,

Your not so distant friend

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This is Why I Believe so Strongly in Marriage

“Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud.  It does not dishonor others, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs.  Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth.  It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres. Love never fails. But where there are prophecies, they will cease; where there are tongues, they will be stilled; where there is knowledge, it will pass away.”

I’ve been told growing up and dating, that if someone doesn’t say they believe in marriage, it’s because they don’t want to ever even consider the possibility of marrying you. And while most of the time, that’s true, I’ve come to learn there are some exceptions.

It wasn’t until I came across a specific individual, he got me thinking, my logic might be skewed based on the individual.

“Do you need to be married?” He asked. “Would you ever be willing to have kids? My kids, but be okay with not being married.” 

The words marriage and kids, in a single sentence, to a 21 year old, I’ll admit made made me hyperventilate at first. As someone who can barely feed themselves properly, without fear of burning down the house, due to forgetting to turn off the stove, there are many things that need to happen in my life first.

But to me marriage is so many things…

It’s about sharing a name…

While I love my name, there’s something that’s always appealed to me about changing it. Not just to be a wife, but to be someone’s wife.

You don’t need to be a wife to be a mother, but there’s a bond there, when everyone in the family has the same name. Together under one roof, you implement single families values.

Someone will look at the kid I one day have, and know they are a __________(future last name).

I like that.

Not just a bank account.

I know money is important. And the thought of financially supporting a family terrifies me at 23. Which is why I don’t have one yet. But I know the type of wife I’ll be.

If I’ve learned anything from my own parents, it’s how important it is, to not rely on a single income. My goal is to stand on my own two feet and not need someone, but the idea of what is mine first, will also be his, appeals to me. It will be ours.

It’s about a celebration of vows of forever….

I believe so strongly in something lasting forever. And I know not everyone does. People have their own reasons for not believing in it. Maybe their parents marriage or former marriage, were a large factor, in current views. But I’ve always wanted to be the statistic that makes it.

And the life you want to lead together. 

The thought of having someone every day, just seems like something wonderful to look forward to.

It’s a testament of your faith, not to just a person but God. 

I made one of the biggest mistakes of my life at 23, and it was in that moment of hitting rock bottom, I changed. I turned completely to faith, I once rejected, making both a promise to myself and Him.

I’m a person of my word. And I know the person I do marry, will be the only one I ever do.

It’s about overcoming those things you fear…

We all have personal reasons, why we might not think it will work. I know I have seen some of the worst relationships, and it makes me scared sometimes.

Sometimes, that one relationship (our parents) is supposed to set the template for what you come to expect in life, and it falls short, as do your expectations of love and questioning can you love someone forever?

I believe I can.

There will be fighting and screaming, but I also know that’s part of what marriage is. But more than that, it’s about how you work through it.

Not letting those fears dictate the life you lead. 

But you can’t let someone else, who hasn’t gotten it right, make you think you won’t. If anything it makes me want to get it right more. It motivates me to say, despite their circumstances, I rose above what could have been a recurring theme.

It’s about getting something right…

Because I want the kids I don’t have yet, to believe in something. I want them to look and me and my husband and say, I’d like to be like mom and dad when I’m older. 

The way some haven’t seen before. 

I believe in love and marriage for every reason that most wouldn’t. I believe in it though, because this idea, is all I’ve held onto as a child into adulthood. I needed to.

Marriage to me isn’t just about vows, but rather being that love story I read growing up believing.

So to the guy who doesn’t believe in marriage, to the guy who is scared, to the guy who doesn’t want to make his parents mistakes, I promise you we won’t. If the day comes I’ll stand by you with confidence, that we will get it right, the way they never did.

“And I’ve always lived like this Keeping a comfortable, distance And up until now I had sworn to myself that I’m content With loneliness Because none of it was ever worth the risk But, you are, the only exception.” -Paramore 

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There’s No Guarantee of Forever, but We Do Have Right Now

“I am nothing special; of this I’m sure. I am a common man with common thoughts, and I’ve led a common life. There are no monuments dedicated to me and my name will soon be forgotten, but I’ve loved another with all my heart and soul and to me this has always been enough.” –Nicholas Sparks 

I love you. But I realized a long time ago, I didn’t need you in my life. I can function without you and make it on my own. But the truth of the matter is, I wouldn’t wanna do that sort of thing. What’s a life if you’re only half alive and that’s what I’d feel without you.

There are moments where life captivates me with chaos and confusion, and the only thing that makes sense is you.

You give me strength on my weak days. You give me courage though my doubts. You make me wanna be a better version of myself. In part, because I deserve it. But also you deserve the type of woman who is her best. That’s what you’ve given me, from the moment we met.

To love you the moon and back is a cliché overused. I love you with all I am. If I had only limited words to speak, I’d utter, I love you.

I would never beg to stay. I would never want you to stand still, if you feel you’re destined to be somewhere else. I’d let you go, if you needed me to. I’d never want to look at me with eyes full of resentment, if I kept in one place too long.

But of the many things you should know, it’s that I love you with all I am. You captivate a piece of my heart, that will always be yours, even if we’re parted. So even, if ever we ever part ways, there will always be a place you can come back to.

But for this moment, I am yours as you are mine. Neither of us know, if we can promise forever.

So for now I’ll leave it simply at a thank you for loving me. Thank you for all you are and thank you for all you make me.

Thank you for showing me a world I’ve never known.

Because love like this happens once in a lifetime. I think even if we never met, I’d spend the rest of my life looking for you.

Because soul mates aren’t just people who make you feel complete, but rather someone who allowed us to understand with much gratitude, why we were never whole in the first place.

So to you my love, I say thank you.

“I love you. I am who I am because of you. You are every reason, every hope, and every dream I’ve ever had, and no matter what happens to us in the future, everyday we are together is the greatest day of my life. I will always be yours.” Nicholas Sparks 

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Finding the Good in Goodbye, After Walking Away

I wanted to move far away enough from you, that even if I looked back, I wouldn’t be tempted to turn around. But that doesn’t mean I don’t miss you every day.

It doesn’t mean I don’t think about you.

It doesn’t mean you don’t still visit me in my dreams.

It doesn’t mean you aren’t still with me.

Quite contrary actually, sometimes it seems like you are more alive than ever, because I refuse to let you die within me.

It’s beautifully haunting in a way.

Like I said, if I ever did lose you, I think I’d lose myself a little.

So I’ll keep a piece of you with me.

“I have no idea where you are out there in the world. But I understand that I lost the right to know these things long ago.” -Dear John 

But if there is anything I’d like you to know, it’s that it wasn’t the lack of love that caused us to drift. In fact, I think the love was so strong, we each knew it. But, sometimes you gotta come to accept love isn’t always the answer.

Maybe one day it will be. Maybe one day we’ll find each other again. Maybe one day we’ll be right.

But the thing about trying to be right at the wrong time, is it may cause destruction in the process. It causes a stunt of growth, when you try to be something you just aren’t.

Sometimes we need to grow part and grow alone, in order to even discover if we’ll ever grow back together.

And then sometimes you grow apart forever.

So while it came with a heavy heart and tearful smile saying goodbye, I want you to know, there isn’t a person I’ve ever loved as deeply. There isn’t a single person, who could ever make me forget you. There isn’t a goodbye that has ever hurt as much.

“The reason it hurts so much to separate is because our souls are connected. Maybe they always have been and will be. Maybe we’ve lived a thousand lives before this one and in each of them we’ve found each other. And maybe each time, we’ve been forced apart for the same reasons. ” -Nicholas Sparks 

So we’ll walk down our own paths and maybe one day they will cross again.

Maybe one day, when we are the people we need to be we’ll get it right. Maybe one day, we won’t have to pretend to be something we aren’t. Maybe one day, it will be as simple as it’s suppose to be.

The way I see it, saying goodbye is the only chance we have at saying hello again. But sometimes you discover yourself along that road you walk alone.

We have no way of knowing what lies ahead for either of us, but all we can ever do is take the information we have and try our best.

So this is me wishing you the best in your future, being grateful for the past and hopeful that maybe our paths will cross again.
“No matter how many years go by, I know one thing to be as true as ever was – I’ll see you soon then.” -Dear John

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To the Guy Who Made Me Feel like the Crazy One

I didn’t ask for you to enter my life. You entered that night, all sweet and caring. I’ll be honest, I thought nothing of it at first. You flirted and I flirted back.

It wasn’t until you grabbed me and kissed me, that I realized this could be something. It wasn’t until we ran off, from the rest of them and you took me to your favorite place, and asked me to slow dance, under the stars. The guy played acoustic guitar and I realized I could fall for you.

You initiated everything. I didn’t realize what I was getting into.

But I took the chance.

Only you didn’t want me as a person. You wanted me as a woman. You wanted me for what I was not who I was. And with that came a relationship, only physical. But, I had an inability to separate feelings and sex. You were merely a one-night stand, that should have only been the night. But somehow it lasted longer.

I didn’t ask for any of that. I didn’t ask to be the crazy one, but you made me that way…

Because you made me feel like I was the crazy one for caring.

Because you made me feel like a fool waiting around as you cancelled plans.

Because you made me participate in a game, I didn’t ask to play in.

Because you made me question every move and feel suddenly insecure.

Because you made me wanna try harder. I never felt like I was good enough.

Because you made me feel like I was a burden when I looked forward to time spent together.

Because the only endearing words, came with alcohol pressed between your lips.

Because the fights we got into, you told me I was the one over reacting.

Because you had the nerve to make me feel bad for caring about you.

Because you were quick to take. But the only thing you gave me were tears.

Because your friends didn’t like me. But you never said anything defending me.

Because you only ever wanted me drunk.

Because you let me fall for you, with no intension of catching me.

But you made me better. You taught me to never settle for assholes like you.

But you made me better. You taught me to never let someone treat me that way again.

But you made me better. I gained self respect, when I walked away.

But you made me better. Because my real friends stepped forward, that night I hit rock bottom.

But I’ll take a moment to thank you most of all for your time, even though mine was wasted. For your words, even though only mine were only ones that were ever genuine. For teaching me through examples of the person I don’t deserve.

And when time comes and we cross paths again, just know when you are looking back at me as I walk away, my head won’t turn for a moment.

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To The Friends Who Saw Me Hit Rock Bottom

“But most importantly when you do get hurt, whether it’s by someone else, or a direct reflection of your own actions, I think it’s okay to not be okay sometimes. And in that moment you hit rock bottom, remember the only place you can go from there is up.” -K.C

I think there is something quite beautiful about drunk honesty. Those moments, where alcohol has allowed every wall to come down. The only thing you have left to do is break down. Not just a normal breakup, a full fled basket case of tears, with your makeup running black and long, down your face. The only thing you have left are arms holding you at your weakest. It’s those moments you turn to someone you might not usually, and you just tell them everything and they’re there for you.

That’s rock bottom. When you’ve kept it together way too long. Sometimes you see it as weakness, but I see it as you’ve been strong for too long.

It’s okay to not be okay sometimes. Because it’s in your moments, you are at your worst, the people who matter come forward and save you from yourself.

Thank you for loving me at my worst….I have a tough time accepting myself in those moments. I’m not the person I usually am…but even then you accept me. Even then you love me.

And reminding me who I am at my best. And you don’t let me at my worst, replace all the good I’ve done before that. You define me by the better moments not the bad stuff.

Thank you for helping me to become better…You’ve walked with me, helping me to learn. You’ve helped me to grow. And you want better for me.

Even first, if that meant not being at all okay. Because sometimes before you can become better, you have to be worse.

Thank you for walking with me…People choose to stay in our lives. I value that you’ve made that choice every day.

Even if I stumbled a bit. Because when I’m at my worst, I struggle to walk a straight line. But it’s a whole lot easier, when we have friends who help guide us in the right direction.

Thank you for reminding me who I am…For the moments you told me, I’m better than whatever it is that broke me.

And not defining me, by my mistakes. And forgiving me always.

Thank you for picking me up. And you dusted me off.

And reminding me to try again. And were there to tell me, today is a new day.

“You know what’s out there…the world. You’re gonna learn from it every day. You’re gonna make mistakes. You’re gonna make good friends…But when you are not a little boy anymore, when the world taught you how to be this man, you’re still gonna make mistakes. But your family and your friends you made along the way will help you. Even though it seems like the world has gone out of it’s way to teach you these tough lessons, it’s the same world that has given you those friends and family. And you’ll come to believe that the world will protect you too.” -Boy Meets World 

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